Yesterday, I was jolted wide awake in the middle of the night sick to my stomach, puking. Nothing is worse than that feeling, and I was writhing in pain. It must have been my body’s way of coping? Or maybe everything has finally sunk in? I don’t know anymore.
In the morning I was feeling out of sorts still, but the ball of anxiety in my gut has loosened up a bit. After our virtual team meeting, my boss talked to me privately to ask how I was doing. All I could do was cry, and she did the same. We wear our hearts on our sleeves that way. And that's okay.
Call me if you want to get together - let's grab some coffee and sit 2 meters apart from each other, she muttered.
This evening, my husband and I hauled my entire computer system home, and my workplace was eerily deserted. It felt like a scene out of a movie, as we rattled each door around my office building, trying to get in. We hurriedly packed everything away, as I silently bid goodbye to my office as if I wasn't going back there.
After moving some furniture at home and crawling around, I think I am now set. Our living room turned into an office, kitchen table as work desk, and my plants for company. I hope that this space will help me find my bearings.
I hope that our new setup, whatever that happens to be, will somehow give a sense of rhythm to the new realities we’re all forced to contend with. Who would have imagined the first quarter of 2020 to be this tumultuous? And just like that, I now find myself working from home, for who knows how long.
What’s the point of this rambling, you wonder. I don’t really have a point.
What a crazy week this has been. Perhaps I just want to take the anxieties out of my system because I’d hate to throw up in the middle of the night in bed again.😔
Having said all that, I have a couple more words.
Let's see how this pans out in the next few weeks.
(Two days after)
I pulled most of my plants together to sit beside me in my ‘new’ work space. Do you like this whole jungle feel? It makes my heart happy!
I worked part of the weekend for the first time in several years, to support a class transition to online learning, and a student thanked me profusely for helping him get some technical issues sorted. That made my heart happy!
I know our circumstances are different, and my realities are not entirely your realities. But all our human emotions are valid, and not very different. There is absolutely space for feeling & processing our emotions here. For me that means holding them up to the light, so the dark bits are seen for what they are, and the helpful ones are optimized for my general well-being.
I hope you are taking care of yourself the best way you can, wherever you may find yourself to be during these extraordinary times.