A Journey of Healing

in the Most Natural Way 

 

Suffering is a given; suffering alone is intolerable.

Sue Johnson

  • Raya

Mabel on Failures and Failing

"I wish I had been told more often that failure is an instrument of success. I wish that humanity would talk more about humility and forgiveness rather than prideful successes. We should talk more about failures being the building blocks for achieving our goals, and not something that we should be ashamed about. In school we learned to keep trying and to never give up. We always do better the second time - we move one step backward each time we fail but then we move two steps forward to try again."


Forgive yourself. Don’t ask why it happened to you. Why not? We all make mistakes and failed at some point in our lives. It is in failing that we learn.

HUMILITY


"It all depends on our values and belief systems. Some may have had traumatic experiences in the past and may had been misjudged by the very people they love. Some may handle failures like a pro because maybe they don’t take it too seriously and the stake is not too high that they can just let it slide. It may vary depending on our definition of failure. We all have different values and benchmarks so personally, the common thing is we all just don’t like being judged. "


"The truth is, people could easily judge us based on our failures. It’s actually the judgement part that scares us the most, I think. Because we are humans, we got pride and it cuts deep when we face what was judged upon us. Failures really touches the ego so I guess this is where personal values come into play. Now that I am wiser because I’m 43 (haha), this is where I let my humility take part. Humility to accept that I failed and that whatever they think of me doesn’t make me less than the person that I am! I don’t care!"

Whatever they think of me doesn’t make me less than the person that I am! I don’t care!

"Life is yours to live and it's not meant to be lived perfectly. There is so much to learn about life and the only way to do it is by allowing yourself to make mistakes. If your pride gets in the way, kick it hard! After all it’s the deadliest sin - you should be scared to sin. Ha ha."


"Seriously, don’t stay in your comfort zone for too long just because you’re scared to make mistakes, then fail and be judged. Widen your comfort zone by humbling yourself. Whatever it is in the past that’s causing us to be scared with failures, let it go. It’s in the past and what’s gone is gone. We never really stop learning for as long as we live. There will always be chances for mistakes in this life but what the heck? There is no perfect life!"


"Failure is not the reason why people don’t welcome it. It’s the painful feeling of humiliation that we are scared about. That is why we need a humble heart to counter that feeling. Pride made us feel that way. If we practice humility, our attitude towards failure can greatly change. It takes divine intervention to get humility. It’s always easier said than done. But at least we know that it is the way to go so we could stand failures in this life. It isn't easy being human. So let’s just continue to live, love and eat! (Hehe!)"


I don’t believe in luck. I believe in hard work powered with moral values.

"Looking back, maybe not making it to my graduation march could be one failure that I just buried deep down. So on my final semester in XU, I had two math subjects that I wasn't allowed to take simultaneously. One was my back subject that I just kept procrastinating to take because I suck at math. Long story short, I made it to the yearbook but didn't make it to the grad march. I had to take my one last Math over summertime and had to wait ‘til the next school year’s grad march. It was heartbreaking at the time."


"I decided not to take part when the day finally came. It wasn’t my crowning moment anymore so what for? I have moved on already and forgave myself. I was at the peak of my career around that time and it felt awkward attending the grad march. Pride was in the way. But you see now I have no grad mementos!"


"I like this Q because I could answer it like the Miss Universe way! Ha ha. Seriously, no I don’t want to undo any of my failures except that I should have maybe attended my late grad march. Anyhow, thanks to all my failures because I have gained wisdom and experience. Experience is the best teacher in life. Failures are actually a blessing in disguise. We just have to allow it when it happens and learn whatever lessons it teaches us. It’s maybe meant to happen to tame me."


HARD WORK, NOT LUCK


"Seriously, right now I feel like giving up on this temporary job that I’m in. I get a bittersweet taste. It’s really an awesome job but it’s too much responsibilities. It’s causing me sleepless nights at times. So I am so close to backing out and I feel like I failed on this one but then at least I tried. I just have to remind myself that my sanity and wellbeing should come first and that there’s no upside to self-martyrdom."


"I own a Sr Finance Officer position in SHA-PA, but then I took a temporary job for a year as a Financial Business Analyst to do budgeting for the Saskatchewan Health Authority in Prince Albert. My new job requires costing any position to be posted as a job based on funding and budgets. I give financial advise to Executive Directors, Dept Directors, Managers and support teams. I also give guidance on understanding financials like variances."


"The Healthcare Industry is new to me. Quick Service Restaurant industry was my comfort zone. So now that I am with healthcare, it’s a whole new world to me with respect to being the financial analyst. Just imagine the clinical and medical terminology that I have to learn not to mention the English language I sometimes have to process in my bilingual brain! That alone is a challenge already."


"So during meetings, my brain is racing as I process clinical terminologies and at the same time understanding their work standard processes so I can give them the financial perspective to support their plans. It practically takes my breath away haha."


"So I project my confidence in business numbers and I ask them to explain terms they used that I don’t clearly understand. I guess if you are straightforward about something you’re not sure about, and be willing to show a little of your vulnerabilities, you earn their respect and understanding. My temp will be done in May this year and then I go back to my permanent position so I think I will just finish the race."


"My Mother deserved the most credit for what I have become. She was realistic and practical in every way. She left us a grand legacy which is hard work. I don’t believe in luck. I believe in hard work powered with moral values."

I guess if you are straightforward about something you’re not sure about, and be willing to show a little of your vulnerabilities, you earn their respect and understanding.


GROWTH


"Get yourself grounded and you could keep growing. Accept that it will be hard at first but it will get better and one day you will be good at it. Don’t be scared if you don’t know everything. No one does. So ask if you don’t know! Do the best you can until you know better. Each mistake is an opportunity for us to grow and learn. Be thankful for these failures because they will give you the meaning and purpose for what you really hoped your life to be."


Just surrender to God Almighty and ask for humility to accept what is. Do not criticize yourself. What happens, happens. Don’t fight it. Make sure to turn your hurts to healing knowing that you now know better.

"I must say that as we age, failures are like a piece of cake already. We are 'seasoned', so to speak. I just enjoy the ride this time and deal with failures as they come. As I age, I feel that I am more forgiving to myself and take it easy with life’s failures. Failure has many different facets to it and for me, I could simply just equate it to sadness more often."


"If you'd ask me about failures twenty years ago, it would mean all the sadness that I went through. There’s been too many along the way and it really changed my perspective of it, knowing that despite all the failures or sadness, it never really stayed forever; that they just pass through and make us always a bit more wiser. See how I talked about it now? Ha ha... If I had answered this twenty years ago, my answer would have been different as I won’t be as seasoned as I am now!"


"And my top 3 lessons? One, we are only humans and we aren’t perfect. Always give yourself room for mistakes and don’t be too hard on yourself. Two, forgive yourself. Don’t ask why it happened to you. Why not? We all make mistakes and failed at some point in our lives. Just don’t make the same mistake twice. Three, the past is past. We cannot undo what happened but we surely can learn from it."


"Remember you’re wiser now that you know exactly what to watch out for so you don’t fail, right? And should you fail again, oh boy it’s not the end of everything. You just keep going. It will come to pass and life goes on!"


Currently, I’m busy mothering. Life is a beautiful struggle but it is beautiful.

Deeply moved by the bestselling book (that started off as a blog), Humans of New York Stories, I am making space for little stories from real people to spur me into thinking about and doing constructive things. We all have stories to tell, and they do carry a lot of weight. May the words and insights from these Little Stories translate into some form of hope, courage, and change above all else. ~Ray



 
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